Time, Tears and Trouble
by Alexis Jasmine Covarrubias
He left without a single word, gone as quick as the fleeting shadows on a cloudy day. I didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. After countless years of running on the wild side, his drug and alcohol abuse finally caught up to him. On the day of his funeral, I kept thinking to myself, why? Why did he do it? Would he truly say that it was all worth it?
My grandpa was always a loving man; he truly cared about everyone, and he always made sure that we knew it. His smile could light up a thousand rooms. From the instant he walked through the door to the day that he left this world, I always got the sense that everything was going to be alright. There was something about his presence, peaceful and soothing in its entirety. From his jovial laugh to his amusing spirit, I adored everything about him. I treasured every moment that we spent together; it was honestly some of the best days of my life. 1 guess you can say that there’s no one quite like a girl’s grandfather. I could spend hour after hour just listening to him talk or watching him play his accordion. I know it sounds silly to think that something so trivial could give someone pleasure, but it did. It was truly an experience like no other.
Despite all of his laughter, there was a dark side within him. Perhaps there was something missing in his life, something that forced him to turn to drugs and alcohol, something to fill the void within him. He didn’t get the same satisfaction out of his family that he got from drugs and alcohol. Maybe it was because I was young and naive, but I never realized the severity of the situation until the day that I saw him lying in his hospital bed. I was fooled by all of his sweet smiles to see what was really going on. There he lied in front of my eyes, motionless and unconscious. My mom and dad said that he would get better, and he did, for awhile at least.
After my grandpa was released from the hospital, I started asking my dad what his childhood was really like. I begged to know the truth, every detail and every incident, even if it was bad. To my surprise, he told me everything. He no longer tried to protect me from the dreadful truth, but instead brought me back to reality. My dad began by describing how his childhood was once enjoyable, and how it was interrupted by my grandpa’s horrid habits. It tore his family apart. While my grandpa was out drinking and doing drugs, my grandma was at home trying to raise their children. Eventually that led to their divorce, which meant that my dad was forced to live in a broken home. With no father figure in their life, my dad’s brothers began to follow in my grandpa’s footsteps. They, too, started drinking and doing drugs on a daily basis. It was a tragic domino effect; because my grandpa did it, his sons did it too. After my dad informed me of how he was brought up, I was utterly shocked. How was I so oblivious to what had happened? How did I not see it coming? It was literally a smack to the face; the man who I thought was the best grandpa in the world turned out to be poisoned by drugs and alcohol. How did this happen!?
It was an abrupt reality, one that was totally unexpected. To my grandpa’s benefit, he did stop his drug and alcohol abuse after he was released from the hospital. Unfortunately, by that time, it was already too late. He was no longer as strong as he used to be, he was no longer as energetic as he once was, and he definitely was not the same person. I saw my grandpa slowly die in front of my eyes. I cannot even begin to explain how that feels; there are no words that can express that atrocious feeling. It was like a piercing scream itching at my ear, one that feels a thousand times worse and one that never goes away.
If I could go back in time and change one thing about my past, it would be to ensure that my family never becomes involved in alcohol or drugs. It sounds impossible, maybe even unrealistic. That may be so, but this has not been the first time that I’ve lost a loved one to drug and alcohol abuse, and I’m sure it’s not the last either. My uncle Poly recently died at its deadly hand, not to mention the other family members that have been stolen from my life. These poisons have tainted not only my life, but many others as well. In my opinion, drugs and alcohol are not worth the time, effort, or pain. They are time-consuming toxins that destroy people’s lives. My grandpa was foolish to get involved with drugs and alcohol, and I despise the way he handled his situation. When things got tough, drugs and alcohol became his pain killers. I’m saddened when I think about how he used them to overcome his pain.
Drugs and alcohol turned my knight in shining armor into a saddened human being, no longer on top of the world and no longer invincible. Because so much time has passed, I am able to put everything behind me now. With everything said and done, I know that my grandpa would also think the way that I do. It gives me comfort to know that he would say that drugs and alcohol were not worth the time, tears, or trouble