The Way It Should Be... Drug Free Parenting
by Laura Capasso
It did not take me long growing up, to realize that I was put here to serve. I am on this earth to help those around me, even those I may not know well. It did not take me much longer to realize that kids are the ones I especially want to help. Innocent children who cannot help themselves are my purpose in the world, and I am very passionate about that. Anything that hinders the well- being of a child is simple evil, so, my run-in with drugs, although second hands, will forever remain just that in my mind. Evil.
When I was fifteen years old, my mother opened up her own day care. I was so excited to be able to work with infants and older children on a daily basis. I had hoped that I would be able to be a positive influence in the lives of some children who otherwise may not have one. My dream was to make the life of at least one child a little bit easier. I had no idea how hard that would be when the people who were supposed to love the children the most; the parents, were under the influence.
The first summer after the opening of my mother’s day care was going great. I was working eight hours a day, just like a real job! Along with a real job with real responsibilities come real world issues. That summer, a woman who was oddly wearing sunglasses on a terribly gloomy day brought her three beautiful children in to enroll for full time childcare spots. Two of the children were very quiet and reserved, sitting with their folded hands lying in their little laps. Not as if they had been taught to be polite, but instead as if they had been trained to be quiet, out of fear. The other child, the little boy ran around like crazy, leaving us unable to control him. When or if his mother corrected him, it was with vicious hisses directed in his face with her fingers clenched tightly around his little arm. No wonder he misbehaved. Right away, these little ones tugged at my heartstrings ...they needed me.
Day after day, this woman brought her children in and hurriedly ran out, not even stopping to give her babies a kiss. Now, it was against D.F.S. policy to bathe children in day care. These kids came in so filthy, however, that this particular rule was one I was ready and willing to break. I started with baby wipes, but by the time I had gone through ten of them on only one of his legs, and it still had a thick layer of dirt, I decided to put him in the sink full of soapy water. I could not bear to put him back in his grimy clothes, so I threw his old ones in the washer, and put him in a fresh set from our own collection. This way, he could go home with two clean outfits. The next morning he returned in the same clothes he left in. I was not surprised, yet my heart was broken.
Their mother came in every day in her own dirty clothes, with sunglasses on, scratches, and scabs up and down her arms. She constantly shook and shivered, and could rarely put anything more than simple sentences together. It was clear that she was using some sort of drug. Upon questioning from my mother, this assumption proved true.
The day that sticks out the most in my memory was the little girl’s birthday. The kids came in as if it was any other day. The morning progressed as normal, until after lunch. I was laying out mats for nap time when she tugged on my hand. She told me it was her birthday. She was turning eight. I had no idea and I felt terrible. She laid her two younger brothers down and covered them up as I imagined she must have down every night. She kissed them each on the forehead, and laid down herself, crossing her arms over her chest and staring at the ceiling as if deep in thought. I whispered to her, asking if she had gotten any good birthday gifts. She proceeded to tell me that her grandmother had given her twenty dollars, but that her mother had taken it, needing to buy groceries. I do not know if I was more sad or angry. With the help of my mom and grandma, I planned a surprise birthday party for her, which was to take place the next day at the day care with all of the other children. Complete with gifts and cake, the party seemed to make her feel like a birthday princess, which is what every little girl deserves.
A few times, their mother was too high to even wake up; skipping work, leaving the children to fend for themselves for more than twenty-four hours. This process continued for months until finally one day the kids did not come in. The next day, they did not come in. On the third day, I knew they would not be back.
I was almost glad, because seeing such heartbreak in the faces of three kids trying to take care of themselves day in and day out was almost too much to handle. I later found that their mother had moved back in with their abusive father to support her drug habit, and had moved out of state.
Too many times, I have seen the effect of substance abuse ruin the lives of innocent people and children. To see the lives of these kids ruined before they ever began was devastating. I wanted to take their pains and struggles away, but every day I saw them fight to keep their heads above the terrible waters of substance abuse and neglect that their mother had left them to survive in. It is not fair. There is nothing like the smile of a child. Unfortunately, there is nothing like the frown of a child either. Love is an action word. A substance free action is the way it should be.