Don’t Hurt Those You Love
by Gina Ragulsky
For a select few, alcohol and drug abuse never affects their lives. For those it does affect, it is an experience you carry throughout your life. Often times, the scars of alcohol and drug abuse are enough to make sure these people do not make the same mistakes. Unfortunately for others, these illnesses continue. On November 30, 2004, after suffering from alcohol abuse and questionable drug abuse, my dad committed suicide. My life was forever changed.
I was in the seventh grade at the time of his death; however, his abuse began years prior to that. When I was younger, my dad enjoyed beer, but I don’t remember it ever changing his personality. As I became older, I learned first hand how a person can become dependent on it and how it not only alters their mental state, but their physical being as well. Dad became easily angered and couldn’t control his temper. My family walked on egg shells, all the time. I lived with a certain fear that I will never quite forget, of not knowing if this person was going to explode, and if he did, what I did to provoke it. Looking back, and after going to therapy, I realized I couldn’t prevent it. Even when I went to bed, I would lie in fear wondering when my dad would come home and how drunk would he be.
As the drinking increased, my dad’s physical appearance changed as well. He became very thin and seemed to shake all the time. His physical appearance wasn’t the only change people noticed. Family, friends and coworkers noticed a drastic change in behavior as well. They were never sure which person was going to show up for work. Would it be the calm and rational person they had once known, or would it be the hot tempered person he had suddenly become?
Ultimately, my dad informed us that he needed to leave. He wanted to “put himself first”. We realized that he wanted to surround himself with people who would enable him and encourage the lifestyle that he so craved, which included all the drinking and “partying” he could do. By leaving, he would no longer have to be responsible for his choices or his actions. It was at that point that my mom, my brother and I began going to counseling. I told the counselor how I used to get so angry at my dad for turning our family upside down that all I wanted to do was empty all the beer in the refrigerator.
I realized later that even getting rid of his beer wouldn’t have made him change. He didn’t want to. The world that my dad had become enthralled with was slowly destroying him.
He made very poor choices at work and eventually lost his job. He did, however, get a job with the people with whom he was associating. Needless to say, he just kept spiraling out of control. When we thought he had hit rock bottom, he just seemed to bounce up a little and fall again. Unfortunately, as he grew more and more dependent on the alcohol, he slipped further and further away from everyone. My family continued counseling, and with the counselor’s support, we realized that his problem wasn’t about us. He was making his choices. We had no control over him. It is unimaginable to me, knowing you have the love and support of your family and friends, yet it isn’t enough to overcome such an addiction.
Anyone who thinks that drinking and drugs only affects them is very selfish and is only trying to rationalize their choices. For some, there is no way out, even with counseling. Unfortunately for me and my family, my dad didn’t have the strength or desire to save himself.
I truly believe the lessons I have learned have been invaluable. I have seen not only my dad make mistakes, but my peers. I feel, as far as my peers are concerned, a lot of the drinking and drugs happening in our society are from peer pressure. You must be strong and handle whatever pressure life throws your way. Life is not easy, but the road is definitely made harder by making the wrong choices. People who develop abuse patterns, whether it is drug, alcohol, gambling or even an eating disorder, affects everyone they come in contact with. They are very selfish if they choose not to receive help. I know! My dad is dead. My family was forever changed and my personal character is resolved to never allow drug abuse to hurt those I love, ever again!